The Weather IS
Forecasts of authentic feeling
Recently, I started re-framing my toddlers moods as weather in an attempt to accept the swings, the big emotions, the nearly manic happiness, as something I have no control over—at least not in changing it’s immediacy.
I can put on a rain jacket or snow boots or stand under cover. I can put on sunscreen or hat or just lay out in sun or rain showers. Much like the wind in northern Colorado, his emotions can get pretty intense. I cannot control the weather; I can be prepared or not—the weather just IS.
And there is something to be in awe of within the pendulum of the toddler emotional experience. I bask in the warmth of his love and stand firm in the torrents of his anguish. I cannot change his emotions, nor do I think it would be good to. Emotions come and go; they all have a purpose. Every single burst, purr, sparkle, and roar is an expression of his being-ness, his real-time radio signal playing out.
All of him is welcome here.
I can hold him through any weather; to be a steady anchor for his storms to blow through and when the sun shines again we can both enjoy the rainbows together. Because it goes without saying (and even still I will) “April showers bring May flowers”.
And, because I know my own emotional landscapes are a crazy ride for him at times; I teach him through example because I have no other choice. Emotions are very real and can be transient if we allow them to move through us and along. If we practice emotional vocabulary and competency now, then perhaps there is more wisdom available in the truly trying times of life.
Just this morning, I woke up feeling tender having dreamt about my father who passed away nearly a decade ago. And then in some act of grief’s fate, my husband put on a song that reminded me of him and then I looked at the fridge of a picture of him holding me as a baby and I just couldn’t contain myself. I started to weep.
I thought about how he isn’t here to know my children, to be their grandfather; for them to know him. It feels like such a profound loss; even my husband never got to meet him. My son was sitting in my lap, needing extra cuddles, and he turned to me and tried to make me smile. I told him I was just sad because I missed my daddy. I cried until I was done. And the little one held the photo from the fridge, gazing at this man with such sweetness—he wanted to take the picture with him for the day.
My family held me through it and the big feelings eventually dissolved into the morning. In the process, my son got to see and experience love, loss, and that tears are welcome.
We don’t have to “hold it all together” or brace against ourselves or others. We don’t have to try to “fix” anything about our feelings.
We can be held accountable for how our emotions affect each other and learn to express them in ways that don’t hurt ourselves or others. This takes skill! So we practice. We name what we are feeling, we look towards the core of the emotion, we move the energy through us. We regulate.
Sometimes, we will need a life raft after a hurricane, or goggles in a sandy windstorm, or a towel and hot chocolate after a cold plunge. The weather app can only serve so much truth, because ultimately, the weather can change just enough at any time to be surprising; so go ahead and just let the weather be.
Emotions come and go. Wind blows through, rain pours, the sun comes out again. Authentic emotional relationships are the buoy to a vibrant and feeling life.
